Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She bit a glass in half.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
