Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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