kristin has been a bad kristin
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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