Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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