3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize