What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
