TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
