An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
