Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
