I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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