I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
