I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Let's paint friendship bongs
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You had me at "let me see your balls"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
