The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
