She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
