if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
