You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
