I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
