Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Randomize
