I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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