I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
