I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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