Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
