Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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