I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
