Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
