I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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