WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
