Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
