so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
