Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize