My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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