dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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