please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
