You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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