so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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