if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
