meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
