She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
