thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
A bitchslap is in order.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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