just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She needs sedatives and a leash
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
