think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
