Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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