Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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