shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
