Swine flu is the new snow day.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
