The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
