I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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