THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
