Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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