He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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