everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
