In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize