i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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