I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
