I accidentally had phone sex last night
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
