dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
