Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
