You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
