I can text with my tongue
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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