I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
