I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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