girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
