Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
