I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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