Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
