After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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