just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
