if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
