i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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