i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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