I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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