and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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