theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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