I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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