i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
