I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
