Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
