Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
