I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
