so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
