Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize