So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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