There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
where am i from again
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
