youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Your penis caused this!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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