I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
whose parrot is this?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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