I think I died a long time ago.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
