he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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