I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i drank out of a bidet.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
