She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
