Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
