walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
