Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
