one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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