i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
