Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
